Disappointed

I had another Herceptin treatment on Friday and met with the Oncologist.  I hadn't seen the Oncologist in probably 2 months.  I had been seeing his NP every time I'd been going in for a while now.  He gave me some disappointing news.  I had a breast MRI post chemo to check the progress of the chemo and the size of the tumor.  The original size was 2.9cm.  The current size is 2.1cm.  The Oncologist was disappointed with these results.  He said that he was expecting the tumor to have shrank much more than that with all the chemo I received.  He said that my cancer is strongly Her2 positive as well as strongly estrogen positve.  Therefore, either one could be the driving force for this cancer.  Apparently, since the tumor didn't shrink very much, it appears that estrogen much be the driving force.  (If it was the Her2, the chemo would have worked better since I'm getting Herceptin)  Soooo, in other words all that chemo was pretty much pointless.  I lost my hair, had all those horrible side effects, and missed all that work for nothing!!!  It's very discouraging!  However, he said that because it looks as if the estrogen is the driving force, the Tomoxafin I will be receiving as the end of all of this will do the trick.  The upside is that this news make me more confident in my surgery decision to take them OFF!!

Surgery Decision

    I met with my plastic surgeon last week and discussed what a mastectomy with reconstruction would entail.  I had a consultation, looked at some pictures, and asked a lot of questions.  I left the appointment more confused and concerned than before, however.  There were a lot of questions that he couldn't answer for me, but then there were also a lot of decisions I needed to make that I wasn't aware of...decisions with a lot of different options.  In the following week I was so overwhelmed and frustrated every time I would try to think about it and think of the options and try to make a decision, that I would just cry and push it out of my mind.  I eventually got to the point where I said "I'm not going to think about it again until my appointment on Tuesday."  Well, luckily I have some great people in my life, including a co-worker who is a survivor, who talked with me and calmed me down, as well as my nurse Navigator who is WONDERFUL! 
   Today, I met with my breast surgeon and asked him the questions my plastic surgeon couldn't answer.  We went over all the options, discussed them thoroughly, and what the benefits were of each.  I asked my Nurse Navigator to sit in with us, to help me make the decisions I needed to make; and along with the help of my Dad, we all came to a general consensus.  Drum roll please.....................A nipple-sparing double mastectomy with implant-based reconstruction!  That's a lot of big words, so let me break it down for you.  I will have 99% of both breasts removed.  Only 1% of my breast tissue will remain which will mostly be skin and a small layer of tissue under the skin.  They are going to save my nipples (YEAH!), and then place temporary implants under a layer of muscle.  I will go in once a week for a few weeks and have those implants filled with fluid to expand the implants to the desired size.  Those implants will stay in for 3-6 months, then they will be replaced during a second surgery with the permanent implants.  With this surgery my breasts should look exactly as they do now!  They are hoping to make the incisions under my breasts near my ribs, instead of around my nipples.  If that is the case, there won't even be any visible scars!  I am SOOO happy with this decision.  With this decision I will not have to worry about bi-yearly exams, plus there is a much lower chance of reoccurance.  The biggest downside is that I'll lose most of the feeling in my breasts and nipples.  I am so relieved to have made these decisions and am looking forward to the surgery on August 29th.  Please pray for my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Stahlnecker and my Breast Surgeon Dr. Nate.  They will be joining together for the surgery.  I will be spending 23hrs at the hospital.  The surgery itself will take approximately 6hrs.  It will be done at Community North Surgery Center.

My Last Chemo!!!

   Friday, July 26th was my last appointment for chemotherapy (atleast the hard drugs)!!!!!  I still have to go every 3 weeks for another 9 months to receive Herceptin through IV, because I am Her2 positive.  But the worst is over!!!  Nothing can prepare you for how awful chemo is.  It reaks havoc on your entire body, from head to toe....literally.  Just a little insight into some of the side effects I had: hair loss, acne, heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, bone pain, neuropathy (hand and feet numbness) and FATIGUE.  At first I was excited about the possible weight loss that I hear so much about with chemo, but the opposite occured to me.  Because I ended up going for weekly chemo treatments, where one of the pre-meds is a steroid, I was hungry (and therefore eating) ALL the time!  Instead of losing weight, I GAINED 15 pounds! So there wasn't one single benefit from chemo :(
   I have had so many people tell me that they can't believe I'm staying so positive.  And I say to them....what's the alternative? I'm not dying!  I'm going to get through this and when I do, this will just be a bump in the road; an event in my life that I can look back on.  There is no reason to be Debbie Downer, and get all depressed and crawl into a hole.  Now, don't get me wrong, of course I've had my negative/sad moments and even a few sad days, but I don't stay in that rut...I can't.  If this was terminal, maybe I would.  But I know I'll be A-Okay in a few short months and my life will return to normal...or maybe even better than normal :)
   So, this week was a time to celebrate.  An old friend from childhood was sooooo gracious to leave her 3 kids and travel 2 hours to come and spend the day with me at my last chemo appointment.  We hadn't seen each other in several years and it was so nice to catch up with her.  We got lunch before the appointment and went out for ice cream at Orange Leaf after the appointment.  It was a great day!  Thanks for helping me celebrate Trisha!

7th Chemo

One more chemo to go!!  This week my awesome cousin Heather came in from WI and left her two kids with her mom and spent Thursday evening and all day Friday with me!!  It was soooo wonderful!  We haven't spent time together just the two of us since we were kids.  It was a great appointment too, because we goofed off with the nurse the whole time.  Heather pointed out that all the previous pictures I've posted on the blog from chemo appointments show me in the chair with my buddies standing behind me.....ALL of them.  So of course, she wanted to do something different.  She said she wanted to "hold me like a baby". So with the help of our nurse, we got a little crazy.....

My nurses idea :)

 

 

 

5th Chemo

I have been so blessed by my friendships throughout my diagnosis and treatment.  All of my close friends currently live out the state or country and all of them have come home to see me!  Two of them were even able to attend a chemo appointment with me.  One of those friends came this week.  I have known Ericka since kindergarten, but we have really become close in the last few years when we attended the same college.  She is a very unique and eccentric woman who I will always have an enjoyable time with.  I have missed her dearly the past year as she been teaching in Colombia and will continue to be there for another year before coming back to the states.  So, I was so thrilled to hear that she was coming home this summer and going to an appt with me.

4th Chemo

  June 28th, I received my fourth chemo.  This was the second time with the new drug Taxol.  It took 4 hours again, but seemed much quicker this time as I did not have to wait in between each process this time like I did last time.  My older brother Brandon left work early to accompany me, which was really nice because we don't get to spend much time together, especially just the two of us.
 

"Rules for Family and Friends"

During this journey I have been blessed with so many gifts and cards from loved ones.  One of those gifts was a book called "Just Get me Through This! The Practical Guide to Breast Cancer".  Honestly, I can't remember who gave it to me (I have been given so many gifts), but I think it was from my brother's mother- or sister-in-law.  There was a passage in this book that I thought was good enough that I needed to share.  I thought it was so truthful and honest, not only pertaining to breast cancer patients (and myself), but all ill patients.  Here are the highlights from the excerpt:

"Those of you who can see her through the entire treatment phase will deserve your own medal of honor, as this becomes the phase that can seem like a never-ending marathon.  ...how do you help her find some humor and optimism during this time? And most important how do you stay in for the long haul, after other initial well-wishers may have dropped by the wayside?

-Provide more uplifting reading (and viewing) material. The treatment phase can seem very long.  Just because you brought her a terrific, inspirational book [at the beginning] doesn't mean she's still reading it six months later. Or the day after chemotherapy, when she may not be up to reading, she'd really appreciate watching a "feel good" movie.  Bring her more.

-Help make her treatment day a special occasion.  Help her transform treatment day from an ominous point on the calendar to a special outing. Spend the day with her. Have lunch together (beforehand, just in case she doesn't feel terrific afterward). Schedule a manicure, massage, or something else she likes.  Help her pamper herself, a bit of distraction from the reality at hand. And after it's over, celebrate one-more-session-down, one-less-to-go.

-Be an appointment escort. Be available to accompany her to appointments. Anytime or anywhere, even if it's seemingly insignificant.  She is already overwhelmed and feeling burdened by the logistics of this experience.  Worrying about who can go with her to her many appointments just adds to the magnitude of the challenge.  Relieve her of this burden, and let her know specifically that whenever she needs you, you're there.

-Help manage her life, but under her direction. Just because she had breast cancer doesn't mean she's stopped thinking or doing.  Many people mistakenly try to take over the patient's life, assuming that she's incapable of caring for herself or making decisions.  Back off.  A key factor in helping her maintain emotional stability throughout this experience is the feeling that she has some sense of control over her life.  If you try to take over, she'll be lost.  So offer to help her in ways that clearly will help and won't be threatening.  If she's physically tired and weak, offer to run errands, shop for groceries, pick up the children from school, or any other of life's daily logistical activities that can zap energy.  Offer to bring over a complete dinner ready to eat on a weekly basis.  Offer laundry service.  Be helpful, not intrusive.

-Plan a date once a week.  Giver her something to look forward to, every week, other than her next doctor's appointment.  Since the treatment phase can seem endless and she may not have normal energy level to maintain a full social schedule, or even make plans, help her along.  It doesn't matter what it is, something as simple as a walk in the nearby park, or bringing over a movie and dinner, [or going to a coffee shop].  As long as she doesn't have to plan it, and it's enjoyable, she'll appreciate it. You might even get together with other family and friends and divide up the responsibilities.

-Keep those cards and letters coming.  ...The flowers sent to the hospital won't last this endurance race.  You can stow away the 'get well' cars, but don't spare the inspirational or funny cards and letters.  She'll appreciate having something to look forwards to when the mail arrives every day-and the fact that you're still thinking of her.

-Abide by rules of energy conservation.  Given her limited energy right now, help her keep it focused on the productive and positive now, on many fronts.  Physically, help her with chores and errands that she doesn't savor, so she can use her energy for more pleasurable activities, maybe something as simple as a short walk every evening.  Emotionally, help keep her focused on the positive aspects of her condition-that she's lucky it was caught early, that she has such a wonderful network of support.  Even more important, screen her from those who expend negative energy, either fearing the worst for her in every situation, or living out their own cancer anxieties through her experience.  And logistically, remind her that with every treatment, and every day that passes, she's one day closer to completing her journey through breast cancer."


Deborah A. Cohen, Just Get Me Through This!:The Practical Guide to Breast Cancer (New York: Kensington Publishing Corp., 2000), 185-187.