During this journey I have been blessed with so many gifts and cards from loved ones. One of those gifts was a book called "Just Get me Through This! The Practical Guide to Breast Cancer". Honestly, I can't remember who gave it to me (I have been given so many gifts), but I think it was from my brother's mother- or sister-in-law. There was a passage in this book that I thought was good enough that I needed to share. I thought it was so truthful and honest, not only pertaining to breast cancer patients (and myself), but all ill patients. Here are the highlights from the excerpt:
"Those of you who can see her through the entire treatment phase will deserve your own medal of honor, as this becomes the phase that can seem like a never-ending marathon. ...how do you help her find some humor and optimism during this time? And most important how do you stay in for the long haul, after other initial well-wishers may have dropped by the wayside?
-Provide more uplifting reading (and viewing) material. The treatment phase can seem very long. Just because you brought her a terrific, inspirational book [at the beginning] doesn't mean she's still reading it six months later. Or the day after chemotherapy, when she may not be up to reading, she'd really appreciate watching a "feel good" movie. Bring her more.
-Help make her treatment day a special occasion. Help her transform treatment day from an ominous point on the calendar to a special outing. Spend the day with her. Have lunch together (beforehand, just in case she doesn't feel terrific afterward). Schedule a manicure, massage, or something else she likes. Help her pamper herself, a bit of distraction from the reality at hand. And after it's over, celebrate one-more-session-down, one-less-to-go.
-Be an appointment escort. Be available to accompany her to appointments. Anytime or anywhere, even if it's seemingly insignificant. She is already overwhelmed and feeling burdened by the logistics of this experience. Worrying about who can go with her to her many appointments just adds to the magnitude of the challenge. Relieve her of this burden, and let her know specifically that whenever she needs you, you're there.
-Help manage her life, but under her direction. Just because she had breast cancer doesn't mean she's stopped thinking or doing. Many people mistakenly try to take over the patient's life, assuming that she's incapable of caring for herself or making decisions. Back off. A key factor in helping her maintain emotional stability throughout this experience is the feeling that she has some sense of control over her life. If you try to take over, she'll be lost. So offer to help her in ways that clearly will help and won't be threatening. If she's physically tired and weak, offer to run errands, shop for groceries, pick up the children from school, or any other of life's daily logistical activities that can zap energy. Offer to bring over a complete dinner ready to eat on a weekly basis. Offer laundry service. Be helpful, not intrusive.
-Plan a date once a week. Giver her something to look forward to, every week, other than her next doctor's appointment. Since the treatment phase can seem endless and she may not have normal energy level to maintain a full social schedule, or even make plans, help her along. It doesn't matter what it is, something as simple as a walk in the nearby park, or bringing over a movie and dinner, [or going to a coffee shop]. As long as she doesn't have to plan it, and it's enjoyable, she'll appreciate it. You might even get together with other family and friends and divide up the responsibilities.
-Keep those cards and letters coming. ...The flowers sent to the hospital won't last this endurance race. You can stow away the 'get well' cars, but don't spare the inspirational or funny cards and letters. She'll appreciate having something to look forwards to when the mail arrives every day-and the fact that you're still thinking of her.
-Abide by rules of energy conservation. Given her limited energy right now, help her keep it focused on the productive and positive now, on many fronts. Physically, help her with chores and errands that she doesn't savor, so she can use her energy for more pleasurable activities, maybe something as simple as a short walk every evening. Emotionally, help keep her focused on the positive aspects of her condition-that she's lucky it was caught early, that she has such a wonderful network of support. Even more important, screen her from those who expend negative energy, either fearing the worst for her in every situation, or living out their own cancer anxieties through her experience. And logistically, remind her that with every treatment, and every day that passes, she's one day closer to completing her journey through breast cancer."
Deborah A. Cohen, Just Get Me Through This!:The Practical Guide to Breast Cancer (New York: Kensington Publishing Corp., 2000), 185-187.
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